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Blog Entry

Lie, Rumors & Results - Week 4, 2012

Posted on: October 2, 2012 11:46 pm
 
Goons Unveil New Facility Barclays Center State of the Art Goon Squad owner Alan Stout was all smiles this week as fans piled into the Goon’s new home at the Barclay Center. It wasn’t just another game for the locals. Civic pride was on display. After decades without a professional sports team, New York City's ascendant borough hit the major leagues again as the Goons new facility opened to the public. “When the Dodgers left, it was a punch in the face to the fact that Brooklyn's best days may not be ahead, but may have been behind us," said Brooklyn Borough President and Goons fan Marty Markowitz, who was 12 years old at the time. The state-of-the-art facility was officially christened Saturday night with a rap concert by Goons co-owner and native Brooklynite Jay-Z. “Just as the Dodgers' departure was a harbinger of difficult times ahead, the opening of the Barclays Center is a symbol of Brooklyn's astonishing rise in recent years as a sought-after destination for people from all over the globe.” Alan gushed as he cut the ribbon on Saturday night. “Fantasy Football is now the sport du jour here. With its deliberately rusted steel exterior, the Goon’s new home looks like a spaceship that cruised in for a landing in Brooklyn's busiest transportation and shopping hub. There are chain stores galore. A Modell's sporting apparel store across the street is stocked with racks full of team apparel in the Goons' new black-and-white color scheme and the logo designed by Jay-Z himself. Alan is banking on Brooklynites' deep-rooted sense of borough pride to win over new fans and with the defending League champion Alan is hoping that their new Brooklyn home will turn the Goons into the League’s first billion dollar franchise. “As the wins pile up, the fans will follow. A new generation of Brooklyn children will grow up with the Goons, just as their grandparents and great-grandparents grew up with the Dodgers.” Alan told the throng. Fans are a more fickle species nowadays tough and piling up wins wasn’t going to be easy, especially opening up against the 3 & 0 Hellions. Alan sent Baltimore receiver Anquan Boldin out Thursday night looking to get the crowd involved. came through with 131 receiving yards good for 13 points and a Goon lead. Atlanta quarterback Matt Ryan would really get the crowd going in the early game on Sunday with a monster, 31 point game. Tennessee running back Chris Johnson added 16 and the Goons were cruising. Meanwhile, things weren’t going well on the Hellion’s sideline. Tennessee quarterback Jake locker, getting his first start, went out with a shoulder injury in the first quarter and, as an apparent penance for a costly fumble in Week 3, Richard didn’t give San Diego running back Mathew Ryan the ball until the fourth quarter. The Hellions would mount a furious comeback in the late game when they went to the air. Denver wide out Eric Decker posted 14 and Cincinnati receiver AJ Green added 18 but the rally would fall just short. The Goons went into the Monday night game with a .66 point lead and Chicago running back Matt Forte still to play. Forte only put up 5 but that was enough and the Goons thump the Hellions 89 - 83.

Bulls Charge Past Dads David Stout’s CowTown Bulls were in Redondo this week taking on Mike Stout’s Whose Yo Daddy. The Dads Bulls rivalry goes way back but this week will go down in the annals as one for the ages. As game time approached David discovered that someone had left the corral gate open and the Bulls had wandered out onto the 405 freeway. The busiest freeway in the US had to be closed down in what local news stations dubbed Cowmagedon. Mike professed to “know nothing” of how it came to pass and it looked like the Bulls were going to have to forfeit the game but David was able to turn the herd back toward Redondo just in time for kickoff. It was a standing room only crowd with Dads fans whooping it up as the game got underway. The first big blow would come in the early game on Sunday. Atlanta running back Michael Turner would put 23 points on the board for the Bulls but the Dads had the answer with a 35 point game from Carolina quarterback Cam Newton. The Dads added 14 from the Arizona defense in the late game but the Bulls got 21 from New Orleans wide out Marquis Colston for a four point lead. The game was on the line on Monday night. The Bulls had Dallas quarterback Tony Romo and the Dads sent out Dallas running back DeMarco Murray. Murray got the ball on the first play of the game and took it 11 yards as the crowd roared but that would be his best run of the night. Romo piled up over 300 yards and appeared to put the game away with a TD pass with 2:14 left in the third quarter but Romo, who had thrown three interceptions to that point, added two more in the fourth quarter to cut the Bulls’ lead to 4. Romo was pulled from the game after pick number 5 with 6 minutes to go and the Dads crowd was hooting for a big play from Murray to steal the game. It didn’t happen. Murray never saw the ball again and the Bulls charge past the Dads 100 – 96.

Pugs Purée Gypsies Stacy Katasse’s Pugs were on the Malecón in Puerto Vallarta this week facing Robin Stout and the Gypsies. The Pugs came into the game undefeated and with media attention in Juneau going off scale the Pugs flew to PV early in the week supposedly to focus on football and to get in some work in the muggy conditions expected for the game. However, there was some speculation that Stacy just wanted to get in a little beach time while she had the chance. Whatever the reason Stacy had the Pugs ready to play. They took the early lead on Thursday night with 25 points from Baltimore quarterback Joe Flacco while the Gypsies kept it close with 16 from Baltimore receiver Tory Smith. The Pugs would take the lead in the early game on Sunday led by 15 from Houston running back Arian Foster. The Gypsies would rally in the late game led by 27 from Arizona quarterback Kevin Kolb but the Pugs had the answer. Green Bay receiver Jordy Nelson and Carolina tight end Greg Olson both chipped in 15 points and the Pugs held a small lead. The Gypsies briefly took the lead on Sunday night but New York running back Ahmad Bradshaw’s 8 points wouldn’t be enough to hold off the Pugs as Stacy sent out a trio of players on Monday night and the Pugs purée the Gypsies 113 – 90 and head north as the only undefeated team in the League.

NOBODY Nails REDnecks Sam Stout’s Nobody hosted Ryan Stout and the REDneck Raiders at Nobody’s homecoming game this week. Scalpers were having a field day with Nobody snapping up the tickets while REDneck fans were also making their presence known. Our favorite REDneck fan, Wilber Jed Wannabe found a ticket and was in the parking lot outside his RV well before kickoff. “I cain’t wait ta run into all them good ‘ol boys I used to know when the REDnecks played down at the North side Coliseum. Those wuz the days.” Farrington field was rocking as both team had the intensity turned up all the way and it was a tight game early. Nobody got 16 from Cleveland running back Trent Richardson on Thursday Night and the REDnecks answered with 15 from the Baltimore defense. Nobody would take the lead in the early game on Sunday as New England quarterback Tom Brady exploded for 38 points. Ryan could be seen on the sideline firing up the REDnecks and they would rally in the late game with 23 from Washington quarterback Robert Griffin III and 12 from Arizona receiver Larry Fitzgerald. Wilber Jed led a chorus of Rebel yells but the REDnecks couldn’t take the lead. The rally fizzled and it was all Nobody from there. New York giant wide out Victor Cruz and Philadelphia receiver DeSean Jackson combined for 33 in the late game and the Chicago defense came up big on Monday night with 27 points as Nobody nails the REDnecks 146 – 73.

Drunks Wreck Bus Mike Roubadeaux’s Ken Kesey’s Bus was at the Union Gospel Mission this week to take on Bunky Stout’s Drunks. Bunky had been sequestered in Collinwood Manor all week. The papers had had a field day after the INS agents he brought to the game last week got arrested for drinking on duty but as game time approached it was clear that he had the Drunks ready to play. The Drunks looked sharp as they took the lead with Baltimore running back Ray Rice’s ten points on Thursday night and really went to work in the early game on Sunday. San Diego quarterback Phillip Rivers posted 18 but the Houston defense did the heavy lifting with a 26 point game. The Bus got 22 from New England running back Stevan Ridley but not much else allowing the Drunks to build the lead. The Drunks poured it on in the late game led by 17 from Washington running back Alfred Morris that put it out of reach. The Bus got 21 from Philadelphia quarterback Michal Vick in garbage time on Sunday night but never threatened as the Drunks wreck the Bus 109 – 74.

Panthers Pound Lumberjacks Steve Bruner’s East Texas Okie Lumberjacks were on the tarmac at DFW this week facing Bill Cooper and the Fort Worth Panthers. Both teams came into the game 2 and 1 and Panther fans were out in force supporting their team. The early game on Sunday looked like two heavyweights feeling each other out. The Panthers got 169 receiving yards and two TDs from Atlanta receiver Roddy White that put 29 points on the board and Seattle running back Marshawn Lynch added 22. The Lumberjacks answered with 32 from the San Francisco defense but the Panthers would deliver the knockout blow in the late game. New Orleans quarterback Drew Brees piled up 36 points and that was all she wrote as the Panthers pound the Lumberjacks 139 - 71.

Lions Roar Past Gangstas Fans throughout Southeast Alaska headed for the region’s biggest game of the year as Frank Katasse’s Smashing Lions hosted Angelo Katasse’s Got Gangsta Wit It on the Juneau Ice Field. The regulars down at the Sand Bar were split between Lions and Gangsta fans and the trash talking led to several fights that didn’t end until the cops showed up. There were flurries up on the ice field at kickoff, football weather in Juneau, and both teams were ready to rock. The Gangstas opened up with Houston quarterback Matt Schaub and Kansas City running back Jamaal Charles scoring twenty points each in the early game on Sunday but the Lions would keep it close with 17 from Kansas City wide out Dwaine Bowe. The Lions pulled away in the late game as Denver quarterback Peyton Manning went off the field with 31 points. The Gangsta’s needed a monster game from Dallas receiver Miles Austin on Monday Night and that didn’t happen as the Lions roar past the Gangstas 98 - 78

Woulda Coulda Shoulda Award. It’s a two fer this week as Hellions owner Richard Cooper and Dads owner Mike Stout both get a share of the infamous WSCA. The Dads lost by 4 to the Bulls but if Mike had Chicago wide out Brandon Marshal in the lineup instead of any of the receivers he started Dads fans Woulda, Coulda, Shoulda been telling their grand kids about the comeback win. The Hellions went down to the Goons but it Woulda, Coulda, Shoulda been a different story if Richard had not decided to start Tennessee quarterback Jake Locker over Green Bay’s Aaron Rodgers or if he had put Arizona wide out Andre Roberts over any of his starting wide receivers. For grabbing defeat from the jaws of victory Mike and Richard get this week’s Woulda Shoulda Coulda Award.

Good luck to all next week!

Max Stout
Commissioner
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