Posted on: October 2, 2012 11:46 pm
 

Lie, Rumors & Results - Week 4, 2012

Goons Unveil New Facility Barclays Center State of the Art Goon Squad owner Alan Stout was all smiles this week as fans piled into the Goon’s new home at the Barclay Center. It wasn’t just another game for the locals. Civic pride was on display. After decades without a professional sports team, New York City's ascendant borough hit the major leagues again as the Goons new facility opened to the public. “When the Dodgers left, it was a punch in the face to the fact that Brooklyn's best days may not be ahead, but may have been behind us," said Brooklyn Borough President and Goons fan Marty Markowitz, who was 12 years old at the time. The state-of-the-art facility was officially christened Saturday night with a rap concert by Goons co-owner and native Brooklynite Jay-Z. “Just as the Dodgers' departure was a harbinger of difficult times ahead, the opening of the Barclays Center is a symbol of Brooklyn's astonishing rise in recent years as a sought-after destination for people from all over the globe.” Alan gushed as he cut the ribbon on Saturday night. “Fantasy Football is now the sport du jour here. With its deliberately rusted steel exterior, the Goon’s new home looks like a spaceship that cruised in for a landing in Brooklyn's busiest transportation and shopping hub. There are chain stores galore. A Modell's sporting apparel store across the street is stocked with racks full of team apparel in the Goons' new black-and-white color scheme and the logo designed by Jay-Z himself. Alan is banking on Brooklynites' deep-rooted sense of borough pride to win over new fans and with the defending League champion Alan is hoping that their new Brooklyn home will turn the Goons into the League’s first billion dollar franchise. “As the wins pile up, the fans will follow. A new generation of Brooklyn children will grow up with the Goons, just as their grandparents and great-grandparents grew up with the Dodgers.” Alan told the throng. Fans are a more fickle species nowadays tough and piling up wins wasn’t going to be easy, especially opening up against the 3 & 0 Hellions. Alan sent Baltimore receiver Anquan Boldin out Thursday night looking to get the crowd involved. came through with 131 receiving yards good for 13 points and a Goon lead. Atlanta quarterback Matt Ryan would really get the crowd going in the early game on Sunday with a monster, 31 point game. Tennessee running back Chris Johnson added 16 and the Goons were cruising. Meanwhile, things weren’t going well on the Hellion’s sideline. Tennessee quarterback Jake locker, getting his first start, went out with a shoulder injury in the first quarter and, as an apparent penance for a costly fumble in Week 3, Richard didn’t give San Diego running back Mathew Ryan the ball until the fourth quarter. The Hellions would mount a furious comeback in the late game when they went to the air. Denver wide out Eric Decker posted 14 and Cincinnati receiver AJ Green added 18 but the rally would fall just short. The Goons went into the Monday night game with a .66 point lead and Chicago running back Matt Forte still to play. Forte only put up 5 but that was enough and the Goons thump the Hellions 89 - 83.

Bulls Charge Past Dads David Stout’s CowTown Bulls were in Redondo this week taking on Mike Stout’s Whose Yo Daddy. The Dads Bulls rivalry goes way back but this week will go down in the annals as one for the ages. As game time approached David discovered that someone had left the corral gate open and the Bulls had wandered out onto the 405 freeway. The busiest freeway in the US had to be closed down in what local news stations dubbed Cowmagedon. Mike professed to “know nothing” of how it came to pass and it looked like the Bulls were going to have to forfeit the game but David was able to turn the herd back toward Redondo just in time for kickoff. It was a standing room only crowd with Dads fans whooping it up as the game got underway. The first big blow would come in the early game on Sunday. Atlanta running back Michael Turner would put 23 points on the board for the Bulls but the Dads had the answer with a 35 point game from Carolina quarterback Cam Newton. The Dads added 14 from the Arizona defense in the late game but the Bulls got 21 from New Orleans wide out Marquis Colston for a four point lead. The game was on the line on Monday night. The Bulls had Dallas quarterback Tony Romo and the Dads sent out Dallas running back DeMarco Murray. Murray got the ball on the first play of the game and took it 11 yards as the crowd roared but that would be his best run of the night. Romo piled up over 300 yards and appeared to put the game away with a TD pass with 2:14 left in the third quarter but Romo, who had thrown three interceptions to that point, added two more in the fourth quarter to cut the Bulls’ lead to 4. Romo was pulled from the game after pick number 5 with 6 minutes to go and the Dads crowd was hooting for a big play from Murray to steal the game. It didn’t happen. Murray never saw the ball again and the Bulls charge past the Dads 100 – 96.

Pugs Purée Gypsies Stacy Katasse’s Pugs were on the Malecón in Puerto Vallarta this week facing Robin Stout and the Gypsies. The Pugs came into the game undefeated and with media attention in Juneau going off scale the Pugs flew to PV early in the week supposedly to focus on football and to get in some work in the muggy conditions expected for the game. However, there was some speculation that Stacy just wanted to get in a little beach time while she had the chance. Whatever the reason Stacy had the Pugs ready to play. They took the early lead on Thursday night with 25 points from Baltimore quarterback Joe Flacco while the Gypsies kept it close with 16 from Baltimore receiver Tory Smith. The Pugs would take the lead in the early game on Sunday led by 15 from Houston running back Arian Foster. The Gypsies would rally in the late game led by 27 from Arizona quarterback Kevin Kolb but the Pugs had the answer. Green Bay receiver Jordy Nelson and Carolina tight end Greg Olson both chipped in 15 points and the Pugs held a small lead. The Gypsies briefly took the lead on Sunday night but New York running back Ahmad Bradshaw’s 8 points wouldn’t be enough to hold off the Pugs as Stacy sent out a trio of players on Monday night and the Pugs purée the Gypsies 113 – 90 and head north as the only undefeated team in the League.

NOBODY Nails REDnecks Sam Stout’s Nobody hosted Ryan Stout and the REDneck Raiders at Nobody’s homecoming game this week. Scalpers were having a field day with Nobody snapping up the tickets while REDneck fans were also making their presence known. Our favorite REDneck fan, Wilber Jed Wannabe found a ticket and was in the parking lot outside his RV well before kickoff. “I cain’t wait ta run into all them good ‘ol boys I used to know when the REDnecks played down at the North side Coliseum. Those wuz the days.” Farrington field was rocking as both team had the intensity turned up all the way and it was a tight game early. Nobody got 16 from Cleveland running back Trent Richardson on Thursday Night and the REDnecks answered with 15 from the Baltimore defense. Nobody would take the lead in the early game on Sunday as New England quarterback Tom Brady exploded for 38 points. Ryan could be seen on the sideline firing up the REDnecks and they would rally in the late game with 23 from Washington quarterback Robert Griffin III and 12 from Arizona receiver Larry Fitzgerald. Wilber Jed led a chorus of Rebel yells but the REDnecks couldn’t take the lead. The rally fizzled and it was all Nobody from there. New York giant wide out Victor Cruz and Philadelphia receiver DeSean Jackson combined for 33 in the late game and the Chicago defense came up big on Monday night with 27 points as Nobody nails the REDnecks 146 – 73.

Drunks Wreck Bus Mike Roubadeaux’s Ken Kesey’s Bus was at the Union Gospel Mission this week to take on Bunky Stout’s Drunks. Bunky had been sequestered in Collinwood Manor all week. The papers had had a field day after the INS agents he brought to the game last week got arrested for drinking on duty but as game time approached it was clear that he had the Drunks ready to play. The Drunks looked sharp as they took the lead with Baltimore running back Ray Rice’s ten points on Thursday night and really went to work in the early game on Sunday. San Diego quarterback Phillip Rivers posted 18 but the Houston defense did the heavy lifting with a 26 point game. The Bus got 22 from New England running back Stevan Ridley but not much else allowing the Drunks to build the lead. The Drunks poured it on in the late game led by 17 from Washington running back Alfred Morris that put it out of reach. The Bus got 21 from Philadelphia quarterback Michal Vick in garbage time on Sunday night but never threatened as the Drunks wreck the Bus 109 – 74.

Panthers Pound Lumberjacks Steve Bruner’s East Texas Okie Lumberjacks were on the tarmac at DFW this week facing Bill Cooper and the Fort Worth Panthers. Both teams came into the game 2 and 1 and Panther fans were out in force supporting their team. The early game on Sunday looked like two heavyweights feeling each other out. The Panthers got 169 receiving yards and two TDs from Atlanta receiver Roddy White that put 29 points on the board and Seattle running back Marshawn Lynch added 22. The Lumberjacks answered with 32 from the San Francisco defense but the Panthers would deliver the knockout blow in the late game. New Orleans quarterback Drew Brees piled up 36 points and that was all she wrote as the Panthers pound the Lumberjacks 139 - 71.

Lions Roar Past Gangstas Fans throughout Southeast Alaska headed for the region’s biggest game of the year as Frank Katasse’s Smashing Lions hosted Angelo Katasse’s Got Gangsta Wit It on the Juneau Ice Field. The regulars down at the Sand Bar were split between Lions and Gangsta fans and the trash talking led to several fights that didn’t end until the cops showed up. There were flurries up on the ice field at kickoff, football weather in Juneau, and both teams were ready to rock. The Gangstas opened up with Houston quarterback Matt Schaub and Kansas City running back Jamaal Charles scoring twenty points each in the early game on Sunday but the Lions would keep it close with 17 from Kansas City wide out Dwaine Bowe. The Lions pulled away in the late game as Denver quarterback Peyton Manning went off the field with 31 points. The Gangsta’s needed a monster game from Dallas receiver Miles Austin on Monday Night and that didn’t happen as the Lions roar past the Gangstas 98 - 78

Woulda Coulda Shoulda Award. It’s a two fer this week as Hellions owner Richard Cooper and Dads owner Mike Stout both get a share of the infamous WSCA. The Dads lost by 4 to the Bulls but if Mike had Chicago wide out Brandon Marshal in the lineup instead of any of the receivers he started Dads fans Woulda, Coulda, Shoulda been telling their grand kids about the comeback win. The Hellions went down to the Goons but it Woulda, Coulda, Shoulda been a different story if Richard had not decided to start Tennessee quarterback Jake Locker over Green Bay’s Aaron Rodgers or if he had put Arizona wide out Andre Roberts over any of his starting wide receivers. For grabbing defeat from the jaws of victory Mike and Richard get this week’s Woulda Shoulda Coulda Award.

Good luck to all next week!

Max Stout
Commissioner
Posted on: September 27, 2012 2:41 am
 

Lies Rumors & Results - MaxStout League Wk 3 2012

REREDnecks Better Than Gypsies Ryan Stout’s REDneck Raiders headed south of the border this week to face Robin Stout’s Gypsies on the Malecón in Puerto Vallarta in the Gypsies first ever home game. Robin had hired a Mexican PR agency to promote the game and they had been driving around town all week in a an old beat up VW with loudspeakers on top blasting “Football Americano … Domingo en el Malecón … Los Gypsies y los Raiders Campesino Blancos.” It’s was a very effective advertising campaign because it was standing room only with the locals spending their pesos to be part of history. Gypsy Logo jerseys were selling like hotcakes and even the roving vendor selling Cuban cigars was doing a land office business. There was a nice contingent of REDneck fans in the crowd as well and they were all clearly enjoying the trip. We bumped into REDneck fan extraordinaire, Wilber Jed Wanabe, who looked like a lobster after spending too much time on the beach without sunscreen. “Well, the sunburn hurts like the dickens but the Margaritas are great and the cervezas are cold.” Conspicuously absent from the game was Gypsies’ owner Robin Stout. “It was that Commissioner!” Robin insisted in a phone interview. “He told me he had some League business that he needed me to attend to this week but it turned out to be a chauffeured limo tour of Napa Valley and then a shopping spree in downtown San Francisco. He even arranged for the Space Shuttle to do a flyby but I was so busy that I wasn’t able to be in PV for the game. He didn’t even tell me about checking my lineup before the Thursday Night Game!” It was true. Not only had Robin missed the game, she had New York Giant running back Ahmad Bradshaw, who was out with an injury, in the starting lineup for the Thursday night game. The Gypsies would get on the board with 12 points from Buffalo wide out Steve Johnson in the early game. The REDnecks had the answer. They took the lead behind 27 from Washington QB, RG3 and 17 from Tennessee receiver Nate Washington and would extend it in the late game with 17 from Arizona wide out Larry Fitzgerald. The Gypsies would try to rally on the Sunday night where they had Baltimore receiver Tory Smith and New England tight end Ron Gronkowski on the field. Smith, playing less than 24 hours after his younger brother died in a motorcycle accident, scored two touchdowns and caught six passes for 127 yards posting 25 points. Only hours earlier, he wasn't even sure if he would suit up. "It was tough. I didn't know until 4 o'clock if I was going to play," Smith said. "I only had like an hour of sleep. Emotionally, I didn't know how I was going to hold up." Gronkowski had his worst game since the 2010 season with 2 points thought and the Gypsies last chance was the Green Bay defense on Monday night. They needed big points and that didn’t happen as the REDNecks are better than the Gypsies 94 – 77.

Gangstas Demolish Dads Mike Stout’s Whose Yo Daddy took on Angelo Katasse and Got Gangsta Wit It this week at Floyd Dryden Middle School in Juneau. Mike held the Dad’s training camp in the cool summer climate in Juneau and the team felt right at home coming into the game but that wouldn’t translate to the scoreboard. The Dads got on the board on Thursday Night for the early lead but Carolina quarterback Cam Newton only managed 10 points. The Dads would extend the lead in the early game with 19 from the Dallas defense but the Gangstas would come storming back in the late game. Houston quarterback Matt Schaub threw four TD passes on his way to 31 points and Oakland running back Darren McFadden added 18 to give the Gangstas the lead for good and the Gangstas demolish the Dads 109 – 67.

Nobody Defeats the Drunks Sam Stout’s Nobody was at the Union Gospel Mission this week to take on Bunky Stout’s Drunks. The Drunks came into the game shorthanded. Buffalo running back Fred Jackson and Washington wide out Pierre Garcon were inactive with injuries and Bunky had suspended Minnesota receiver Jerome Simpson for bringing beer to practice. Nobody showed up ready to play on Thursday night. New York Giant receiver Victor Cruz played for Nobody but he could only muster 4 points. However, Nobody would do better in the early game. They would open a big lead with four players in double figures including 31 points from the Chicago defense who had six sacks, two picks and a TD while only allowing 6 points. The Drunks were led by 14 from Washington running back Alfred Morris and would try to mount a comeback in the late game. The comeback mostly fizzled and Nobody defeats the Drunks 117 – 84.

Panthers Take Down Bulls Bill Cooper’s Fort Worth Panthers were at Amon G. Carter Stadium this week to take on David Stout’s CowTown Bulls. David was happy to be playing in the friendly confines of AGC and the recently completed upper deck in the east stands was full of wild eyed Bulls’ fans. Playing through adversity was nothing new for the Panther Poobah and went about taking care of business. Bill sent out the New York Giant D on Thursday night and they responded with 18 points that quieted the Bulls’ crowd. The Panthers had the momentum and the Bulls came out flat on Sunday. They couldn’t get a player into
double figures. Bill sensed his chance and the Panthers would extend the lead in the early game with 25 from New Orleans quarterback Drew Brees. The crowd would come to life n the late game as the Bulls rallied. Double digit games from Atlanta running back Michel Turner and Houston wide out Andre Johnson closed the gap but they needed a big game from the New England D on Sunday night. That wasn’t in the cards and the Panthers take down the Bulls 82 – 54.

Hellions Slay Lions Frank Katasse and the Smashing Lions were in “Richard’s World” this week to take on Richard Cooper’s undefeated Hollar Hellions. As always, the Hellion faithful had Hollar Stadium filled to the brim and when Cincinnati wide out AJ Green went 73 yards for a Hellion TD on the first play from scrimmage in the early game on Sunday the crowd went off. AJ ended the day with 25 points by his name but the Lions would come to life and take the lead with by 20 from Detroit quarterback Mathew Stafford. The Hellions wouldn’t quit coming though. They would rally in the late game with Atlanta tight end Tony Gonzales leading the way with 15 bringing the crowd back to life. The crowd roared when New England kicker Stephen Gostkowski would boot the go ahead points for the Hellions on Sunday night. With the game in the bag Richard had Green Bay quarterback Aaron Rogers take it easy on Monday night ending with only 11 points and the Hellions slay the Lions 99 - 82.

Lumberjacks Cut Up Bus Steve Bruner’s East Texas Okie Lumberjacks loaded up the truck and headed for Big D to face Mike Roubadeaux’s Ken Kesey’s Bus at Texas Stadium this week. The Lumberjack fans that made the trip were wide eyed as they filed in past the tailgating Bus fans but they would have plenty to cheer about once inside. The Lumberjacks took the lead behind 25 from Jacksonville running back Maurice Jones-Drew in the early game and never let up. The Bus kept it close early with 22 from Detroit wide out Megatron Johnson and added 18 from Pittsburgh tight end Heath Miller in the late game but that wasn’t going to be enough. The Lumberjacks got a 4 TD, 384 passing yard game from Pittsburgh quarterback Ben Roethlisberger that lit up the scoreboard with 40 points and the Lumberjacks cut down the Bus 134 – 76.

Pugs Bite Goons Alan Stout and the Goon Squad made the long trip to Juneau to play Stacy Katasse’s Pugs in Glacier Gardens this week. Sibling rivalries are always intense but this one took it up a notch as both teams came into the game undefeated. Stacy was confident coming into the game. When asked about the Pugs chances she said “You’re asking the wrong question. It’s the Goon Squad that needs to get a chance.” Pugs fans felt the same way and Glacier Gardens was full of rabid Pugs fans on Thursday Night. The joint was jumping when the Pugs took an early lead behind 18 points from New York quarterback Eli Manning. The Goons would get on the board in the early game on Sunday with double digits from the New York Jet defense and Detroit kicker Jason Hanson but the Pugs would answer with double digit games of their own from Chicago running back Michael Bush and kicker Robby Gould. The Goons would mount their rally in the late game led by a 27 point day from Atlanta quarterback Matt Ryan and tie the game. The Goons were down to Baltimore receiver Anquan Boldin on Sunday night but the Pugs would play Green Bay wide
out Jordy Nelson and the Seattle defense on Monday night. The need Boldin to come up big but he only posted 5 points on the night and that wouldn’t be enough as Nelson and the Seattle defense combined for 19 on Monday Night and the Pugs bite the Goons 103 – 89.

The Big Score Award Steve Bruner’s East Texas Okie Lumberjacks were swinging big this week. “Everything we did came up aces” Steve said in his post game interview. “We worked hard all week, we came into the game with a great game plan and the guys executed it to perfection.” The Lumberjacks got big production from their stars with 40 from Pittsburgh quarterback Ben Roethlisberger and 25 from Jacksonville running back Maurice Jones-Drew but everybody pitched in. even Jacksonville receiver Cecil “who is that guy?” Shorts. He’d laid a goose egg in week 2 and only had one catch this week but he made it count taking it 80 yards to the house to end the day with 14 points. The Lumberjacks came into big D, put up big points and get this week’s Big Score Award with a 134 point game.

Good luck to all next week!

Max Stout
Commissioner
Posted on: September 27, 2012 2:26 am
 

Lies Rumors & Results - MaxStout League Wk 2 2012

INS Agents Fired after Drunks Game  When the Commissioner announced that a Mexico based team would join the League this year Drunks owner, Bunky Stout went ballistic. “If the Commissioner thinks that I’m going to cross the border for a fantasy football game he’s got another thing coming” Bunky fumed. “Perhaps no one has noticed but I haven’t been outside Loop 820 for years.” He called the League office to vent and before it was over he had negotiated a deal for the Drunks to play all their 2012 games at home. The Union Gospel Mission was thrilled but that wasn’t all Bunky had up his sleeve. Bunky has had a lot of interaction with law enforcement in the past and he used his contacts to make sure that the INS would be on hand when the Gypsies came to town. “We’re not letting a bunch of wetbacks come up here and play. We want to make sure that everything is done to the letter of the law” Bunky announced but that wasn’t how some observers saw things unfolding. When the Gypsies arrived at the Union Gospel Mission for the Thursday Night game, INS agents pulled the team bus over and detained all the players. “Just a routine check” they were told but Robin wasn’t so sure. “I had the Green Bay defense and Chicago quarterback, Jay Cutler playing on Thursday night. The agents took Cutler off the bus and roughed him up for several hours but they wouldn’t let the D off the bus. They kept telling us that they were just doing a job but we had all the papers ready and everything was in order. I had to pull the D out of the starting lineup at the last minute and I would have pulled Cutler if I’d known what was going on in that back room” Robin reported. “Somebody did a job alright and I’m pretty sure I know who it was.” As the crowd queued up to get into the game, the INS made sure that anyone who looked like they may have been rooting for the Gypsies was threatened with deportation. By kickoff there wasn’t a Gypsies fan in sight. The Drunks took advantage, grabbing the early lead with 13 from Green Bay kicker Mason Crosby. Meanwhile, Cutler was having a tough night for the Gypsies. Rattled by the rough treatment he received before the game and the agents in mirror glasses that surrounded the Gypsies bench he ended the night with four picks and only 126 passing yards. Robin was down but not out. “We decided to fight fire with fire so we showed up on Sunday with a couple of cases of tequila and some bikini clad senoritas. When we pulled up we had the girls hop off the bus with the tequila and we were waved right through the gates.” The Gypsies briefly took the lead in the early game with 14 points from New England tight end Ron Gronkowski but that lead wouldn’t last. The Drunks came back in the late game led by 28 from San Diego quarterback Phillip Rivers and never looked back as the Drunks drill the Gypsies 103 - 66. The big fireworks were after the game. When the video of the INS Agents shooting tequila with bikini clad senoritas hit you tube it really hit the fan. The agents were summarily fired and when rumors that Bunky had used his influence to get them to the game circulated Bunky became the subject of a criminal investigation. The cops aren’t talking but there haven’t been any arrests … yet.

Pugs Lick Lions Stacy Katasse and the Pugs met Frank Katasse and the Smashing Lions on the Juneau Ice Field this week in a matchup that had the whole town buzzing. Everybody from the Thane Ore House to the Nugget Mall had an opinion about the game. It looked like things might get ugly when Stacy headed for the game with Autumn in a Pugs sweatshirt and Frank trailing behind with a Lions T shirt for her but after a brief discussion it was decided that Autumn would change at halftime and it was game on. Stacy grabbed the early lead on Thursday night but her three players only combined for 18 points. The Lions would get on the board in the early game on Sunday when Kansas City wide out Dwaine Bowe went off for 22 points but the Pugs would play their big guns to try to extend the lead. They had New York Giant quarterback Eli Manning and Houston running back Arian Foster on the field. Foster had a nice day posting 21 points but things didn’t start out so well for Eli. He threw three first half interceptions and some in the crowd were concerned that Stacy’s famous stomp might set off an avalanche. Stacy and Eli had a little talk at halftime and Eli came out of the locker room with fire in his eyes. He threw 3 second half TDs and ended with a 32 point day. The Pugs added 20 from the Seattle defense in the late game and that put it out of reach as the Pugs lick the Lions 98 – 74.


Lumberjacks Whack Bulls David Stout’s CowTown Bulls headed out to the piney woods to take on Steve Bruner’s East Texas Okie Lumberjacks at the Tomato Bowl this week. Steve had taken a lot of heat in the local press this week after getting drubbed in week one. “We were a little bit nicked up last week and Maurice Jones-Drew’s holdout had the whole team distracted. With MJD back in the fold and getting a full week’s practice and Steve Smith back in the starting lineup you’re going to see a different team this week” Steve said. The fans weren’t as optimistic but when Steve announced he was bringing in the Pixley Dust singers to perform before the game, ticket sales went through the roof. Steve set up a huge Bulls piñata in the parking lot and tailgaters were erupted when big Jim Bob Bodine’s mighty whack split the Bull in half and sent Lumberjack logo footballs sailing across the parking lot. The Tomato Bowl fans settled in as the Lumberjacks took a slim lead in the early game with Jacksonville running back Maurice Jones-Drew leading the way with 13 points. The best the Bulls could do was 12 from the New England D in the early game and 14 from Dallas quarterback Tony Romo in the late game. The Lumberjacks had better luck. The Tomato Bowl was rocking in the late game when the Lumberjacks opened up a lead behind 23 points from Pittsburgh quarterback Ben Roethlisberger and then extended it with 19 from San Francisco tight end Vernon Davis in the Sunday Night game. The Bulls added 24 from Denver running back Willis McGhee on Monday night but that wouldn’t be enough and the Lumberjacks whack the Bulls 112 - 82.

Panthers Maul Gangstas Bill Cooper was headed north looking to strike gold in Juneau as his Fort Worth Panthers faced Angelo Katasse’s Got Gangsta Wit It at the Gangsta’s new home at Floyd Dryden Middle School. “It’s a fantastic facility.” Angelo told the visiting press corps. “It’s a very convenient location out in the Mendenhall Valley, there’s plenty of parking and we have the only covered seating in Juneau.” Gangsta fans poured into their new home and one couldn’t help notice that there were an unusually high number of young ladies. “That Angelo is just the dreamiest coach I’ve ever seen” one coed was overheard gushing. The home crowd got a good performance in the early game from New York Giant receiver Hakeem Nicks who posted 26 but the Panthers would take the lead with 21 from New Orleans quarterback Drew Brees and 19 from Tampa Bay wide out Vincent Jackson. The Panthers pulled away with 18 from Seattle running back Marshawn Lynch in the late game and never looked back as the Panthers maul the Gangstas 109 – 69.

Goons Rough Up Rednecks Ryan Stout’s REDneck Raiders were in the big apple this week to play Alan Stout’s Goon Squad. This was the home opener for the Goons and the capacity crowd went bonkers when Alan raised the 2011 League Championship Pennant at MCU Park on Coney Island. “The fans have been waiting for this a long time and I can’t wait to raise the 2012 championship banner. The Goons will be the first back to back League champions” Alan told the press. Things started off great for the Goons on Thursday night but Chicago running back Matt Forte left the game with an injury in the third quarter it took the air out of the crowd. Ryan tried to take the momentum in the early game on Sunday, sending out five players but the best performance he got was 13 from New Orleans tight end Jimmy Graham. The REDnecks added 32 from Washington quarterback Robert Griffin III in the late game to build a 23 point lead going into Monday Night. The REDnecks were played out but the Goons still had Atlanta quarterback Matt Ryan and Denver receiver Demaryius Thomas. Both reached double digits with Ryan leading the way posting 22 points on the night. The Goons come from behind win had the joint jumping as the Goons rough up the REDnecks 79 – 66.

Nobody Takes Bus Sam Stout’s nobody was at Texas Stadium this week to face Mike Roubadeaux’s Ken Kesey’s Bus. As always, the tailgate parties were in full swing before the game and the Bus crowd came in hopped up and ready to roll so the Bus sent out five players in the early game. Philadelphia quarterback Mike Vick had the home crowd roaring with 24 points but didn’t get a lot of help. Meanwhile, Sam went with the running game early and it paid off. Cleveland running back Trent Richardson and Miami running back Reggie Bush combined for 58 points. Nobody also got it done through the air. New York receiver Victor Cruz pitched in 24 and Nobody takes the Bus 129 -89.

Hellions Dump Dads Mike Stout’s Whose Yo Daddy was in Hollar Stadium last week to face off with Richard Cooper’s Hollar hellions. The Hellions faithful had packed the stadium that many now refer to as “Richard’s World” for the 2012 home opener and, as always, they making lots of noise. “Hellion fans are the best fans in the world” Richard said as the crowd roared while the Hellions were introduced. It only got louder as Buffalo running back C.J. Spiller scored two first half TDs for the Hellions and put 29 points on the board for the day. The Dads answered with 27 from Carolina quarterback Cam Newton to keep it close. Richard’s World was rocking as the Hellions pulled away in the late game led by 17 from San Francisco running back Frank Gore and the Hellions dump the Dads 125 – 76.


Be sure to check your lineup before the Thursday Night game.


Good luck to all next week!

Max Stout
Commissioner
Posted on: September 27, 2012 2:19 am
 

Lies Rumors & Results - MaxStout League Wk 1 2012

Ryan’s REDneck Raiders Open New Facility

Ryan’s REDneck Raiders are all settled in out on the high plains. Ryan didn’t decide to make the move to beautiful Lubbock, Texas until August so when he arrived he needed new digs fast. After setting up shop at the prestigious Lubbock Ghetto Tower his next order of business was to find a new home field for the REDneck Raiders. “I was hoping to ink a deal with Jones Stadium but we weren’t on the same page moneywise” Ryan said last week. “I really wanted a nice facility that the fans would be proud of but on my budget that was a tall order. Since we’re expecting huge crowds we needed a place with lots of parking and we were able to work out a deal for the fans to park at Jones Stadium but we’ll be playing the games across the street in the parking lot of the Stadium Motel. It’s convenient, it’s cheap and they have cable.” Fan reaction was mixed but after an initial Huh? Most REDneck fans were just happy that their team was back in the big leagues. We talked to Wilber Jed Wanabe outside his RV before kickoff. “It ain’t all that bad. There’s a gas station next door where you can pick up a six pack and I can’t wait to whoop it up when the REDnecks take the field.” That was typical of the attitude of the fans at the game and when the REDnecks hit the field the gassed up fans had the joint jumping. It went downhill from there, Beer bottles started raining down on the field and Frank Katasse’s Smashing Lions, who were in town to face the REDnecks, had to duck for cover. Ryan went to the press box to make an announcement that anyone throwing anything onto the field would be ejected but realized that the PA system wasn’t installed. By this time the scene on the field looked more like the Redneck Bar scene in “The Blues Brothers” than a fantasy football game. Ryan knew he had to do something so he ran out on the field waving his arms for the fans to quiet down. This got things back under control and, after a short delay while the parking lot was cleared of broken glass, the game was able to get underway. Frank realized that he needed to make a big move early or the crowd could get out of hand again so he came up with the Seven Studs Strategy. He sent seven players out in the early game hoping to grab the lead and keep the crowd out of the game. That didn’t work out. With the rowdy REDneck crowd still making lots of noise Detroit quarterback Mathew Stafford threw three picks in the first half but ended up leading the Lions with 15 for the day. Indianapolis wide out Reggie Wayne chipped in 14 but the rest of the Lion’s studs bombed out. Meanwhile, the REDnecks were making hay while sun shined. New Orleans tight end Jimmy Graham used the crowd’s energy to haul in an early TD on his way to 15 points but it was the REDneck’s rookie quarterback, Washington’s Robert Griffin III, that had Wilber Jed and the rest of the good ‘ol boys whooping it up. RG III threw two first half TDs ending up with 29 points on the board for the day and the REDnecks rope in the Lions 108 – 68.

Pugs Nip Dads Mike Stout’s Whose Yo Daddy was at Glacier Gardens to open the season against Stay Katasse’s Pugs. Both teams were anxious to get going and put points on the board Wednesday night. The Dads sent out Dallas running back DeMarco Murray who tallied 14 and the Pugs played New York Giant quarterback Eli Manning and Dallas wide out Dez Bryant who combined for 23 to give the Pugs the lead. The Dads would strike back in the early game led by 18 from Chicago receiver Brandon Marshall and take the lead but the Pugs would take it back in the late game led by 12 points from the Seattle Defense. The game was decided on Monday Night. The Pugs came in with a 4 point lead and Oakland wide out Darrius Heyward-Bey on the field. The Dads countered with San Diego receiver Robert Meachem. Mike was dancing in the isles after Meachem’s 46 yard catch in the first half that cut the lead to two but that was as close as the Dads got as Meachem was shut out in the second half and the Pugs nip the Dads 85 – 81.

Bulls Ride Bus Mike Roubadeaux’s Ken Kesey’s Bus rolled into Amon G. Carter Stadium to face David Stout’s CowTown Bulls this week. The Bulls took the early lead with 29 points from Dallas quarterback Tony Romo on Wednesday night. With the momentum on his side David decided to go for the throat in the early game and sent out seven players. With the home crowd howling the New England defense posted 21 and Houston wide out Andre Johnson added 18 building a big lead. The Bus got 20 from Philadelphia quarterback Michael Vick despite 4 interceptions and 21 from New England running back Stevan Ridley but it wouldn’t be enough as the Bulls ride the Bus 121 – 95.

Gypsies Dance by NOBODY Robin Stout’s Gypsies were at historic Franklin Field in Fort Worth this week to tangle with Sam Stout’s NOBODY. Robin had been a bit worried about the Gypsies playing in their first ever game but got the League to schedule a game against a bunch of nobodies to open the season. “Expansion teams always have a tough time their first year and I wanted to get off to a good start. I’ve found the commissioner to be very cooperative after a couple of martinis and a little candlelight” Robin told the press. The Gypsies grabbed the lead on Wednesday night with 15 from New York Giant running back Ahmad Bradshaw. NOBODY showed up with seven players in the early game and got big numbers from New England quarterback Tom Brady with 21, New Orleans receiver Lance Moore with 18 and the Chicago defense with 17. The Gypsies held off the charge with 23 from Chicago quarterback Jay Cutler and Atlanta wide out Julio Jones who both posted 23 and the Gypsies dance by NOBODY 128 – 98.

Hellions Handle Panthers Richard Cooper’s Hollar Hellions were on the tarmac at DFW to face Bill Cooper’s Fort Worth Panthers in the annual Cooper Bowl. This was the first time the League had scheduled the bout for the big bowl as the season opener and Panther fans responded with a standing room only crowd. The big crowd went bonkers when Bill paraded the Copper Cooper Bowl at midfield before kickoff but that just fueled the flames that had been smoldering since the Panthers blasted the Hellions 132 – 72 in Hollar Stadium last year. Richard was looking for revenge but it was the Panthers that got on the board first with six points from the Giant’s defense on Wednesday night. That wouldn’t be the end of it though. This would turn into a tense back and forth battle with multiple lead changes on Sunday. The Panthers were led by 28 from New Orleans quarterback Drew Brees but the Hellions countered with 27 from Green Bay quarterback Aaron Rodgers and 23 from buffalo running back CJ Spiller. The Hellions would pull away in the late game behind 17 from San Francisco running back Fran Gore and the Richard will be taking the Cooper Bowl back to the Hollar as the Hellions handle the Panthers 111 – 85.

Gangstas Gash Lumberjacks Angelo Katasse and Got Gangsta Wit It made the long trip to the Tomato Bowl to open the season against Steve Bruner’s East Texas Okie Lumberjacks. Steve had hired a fleet of school buses and promoted them as the Lumberjack Express bussing in fans from as far away as Pixley. It was a huge success and the Tomato Bowl was filled to the brim with rabid Lumberjack fans. That didn’t faze Angelo. He played Dallas wide out Miles Austin on Wednesday night and Austin responded with a highlight reel, 34 yard TD catch and ended the night with 13 points to give the Gangstas the lead and quiet the big Tomato Bowl crowd. The Gangstas opened up a big lead in the early game with 19 from the Philadelphia defense, 16 from Houston quarterback Matt Schaub and 15 from Philadelphia wide out Jeremy Maclin. The Lumberjacks started to rally in the late game and made it close with 20 from Pittsburgh quarterback Ben Roethlisberger in the Sunday Night game but there’s no joy in Pixley as the Gangsta’s gash the Lumberjacks 100 – 77.

Goons Dump Drunks Alan Stout’s Goon Squad opened their defense of the League title at the Union Gospel Mission against Bunky Stout’s Drunks. It was hot in Fort Worth so Bunky came up with the idea to give away Drunks Logo Sunbrellas to the first 10,000 drunks through the turnstiles. Ticket sales shot up and the line was around the block hours before the gates opened but there was a small issue. Bunky ordered the giveaways over the internet and, while he got a great deal, he didn’t realize that the Sunbrellas he ordered would turn out to be tiny drink umbrellas. When they opened the boxes and the crowd saw what they were getting it got ugly. It looked like Bunky was on the ropes but the crowd calmed down when he told them that their ticket stub would be good for a free drink at Houston’s Restaurant. “I had to do some fast talking with the Houston’s manager and I’ll be washing dishes for the next month to pay for all the drinks but I still got my teeth.” Bunky said as the fans filed in. With all the pre game excitement Bunky wasn’t focused on football and the drunks came out flat. They got nice games from the Houston Defense with 20 and Washington receiver Pierre Garcon with 17 but not much else. Alan saw that the Drunks weren’t ready to play and the Goons came out blasting on both barrels. They got a monster, 38 point game from Atlanta quarterback Matt Ryan, 19 from the New York Jet D and 18 from Chicago running back Matt Forte. Denver wide out Demaryius Thomas added 17 in the late game and the Goons dump the Drunks 133 – 96.


Woulda Shoulda Coulda Award – Mike Stout’s Whose Yo Daddy went down to the Pugs this week after starting the Buffalo defense in favor of the Cowboys. Buffalo was horrid giving up 42 points and posting -2 for the day while the Doomsday D had three sacks and a fumble on their way to 12 points. If the Dads had the Dallas D in the starting lineup they woulda, shoulda, coulda been 93 – 85 winners.




Good luck to all next week!

Max Stout
Commissioner
Posted on: October 5, 2011 1:11 am
 

Lies, Romors & Results week4, 2011

MaxStout League Eyeing International Expansion?


Rumors have begun to circulate that the MaxStout Family Football League is considering expanding the League with the new franchise located in the international market. Word on the street says that the League is looking at Mexico as the next logical step to build upon an already established MaxStout League following south of the border.  While uncharacteristically avoiding the press last week the paparazzi caught League Commissioner Max Stout entertaining the director of tourism for the state of Baja California del Sur so there’s been speculation that the League is thinking about either Cabo San Lucas or La Paz as host cities.  However, there are also reports that Puerto Vallarta on the Mexican “Gold Coast” is under consideration.  Those in the know think it’s likely that the Commissioner will be heading south sometime this fall to finalize the deal.   Would the League also want to add a 14th team?  Some pundits are saying yes.  Their thinking is that the new Mexican team would fit into the Coastal Division and the League would also want a team for the Chicken Fried Division but there’s been no word on where this new team might be located.  So far it’s all smoke and no fire but that could change at any moment. Stay tuned.

Hellions Hammer Gangstas

Angelo Katasse’s Got Gansta Wit made the long trip from Juneau to the Hollar to face Richard Cooper’s Hollar Hellions this week.  Angelo, didn’t mind the long flight spending the time telling the gorgeous flight attendant how he had just been elected senator. It looked like she was still on Angelo’s mind when the game started as the Gangsta’s fell flat.  They didn’t get a player into double digits in the early game but things weren’t going much better on the Hellions sideline.  The Hellions new coach, Maynard G. Krebs was a no show.  The Hellions floundered in the early game but Krebs waltzed in just in time for the late game.  Building the legend that he’s a fantasy football savant coach Krebs whispered something into Green Bay quarterback Aaron Rogers’ ear and sent him in.  Rogers was lights out.  He threw for 408 yards and 4 TDs that had the scoreboard spinning.  Rogers scored 54 on the day to give the Hellions the lead but fell just short of the League record for the most points scored in a game currently Mike Vick’s 57 scored for David Stout’s Bulls in week 10 last year.  The Gangstas didn’t have an answer and the Hellions hammer the Gangstas 120 – 62.

Lumberjacks Punch Out Panthers

Bill Cooper’s Fort Worth Panthers were in the piney woods this week to take on Steve Bruner’s East Texas Okie Lumberjacks at the Tomato Bowl.  Steve had chartered the Cannonball Express to bring in Lumberjack fans from Pixlie and a capacity crowd was on hand by kickoff.  Chicago running back Matt Forte had the Tomato Bowl rocking in the early game with 228 yards and a TD that was good for 29 points on the day.  The Panthers weren’t fazed by noise from the big crowd though and took the early lead with 34 points from Carolina quarterback Cam Newton. The Green Bay D added 17 for the Panthers in the late game but the crowd really got loud as the Lumberjacks rallied.  San Diego wide out Vincent Jackson dominated in the first half before being injured but still posted 17 for the day.  The Tomato Bowl was whipped into a frenzy as the Lumberjacks closed the gap and when Atlanta quarterback Matt Ryan threw the TD pass that gave the Lumberjacks the lead people in Pixlie reported that they heard the roar that erupted from the Tomato Bowl. The Panthers didn’t have an answer and the Lumberjacks punch out the Panthers 110 – 105.

Goons Deck Dads

Alan Stout and the Goon Squad was on the left coast this week in a father son rivalry game against Mike Stout’s Whose Yo Daddy.  It was a beautiful day for football and Dad’s fans had packed the stands under the power lines behind the Redondo Beach Power Plant. The big crowd groaned when the Dad’s leading receiver, Houston’s Andre Johnson, left the game with an injured hamstring in the first quarter but the Tennessee defense gave them something to cheer about posting 18 points.  The Goons would answer with 19 from New Orleans tight end Jimmy Graham and 23 from Houston running back Arian Foster and take the lead when Detroit quarterback Mathew Stafford threw two fourth quarter TDs.  The Dads would try a comeback in the late game but New England quarterback Tom Brady’s 20 point effort wouldn’t be enough and the Goons deck the Dads 105 – 77.

Bulls Over Nobody

David Stout’s 2010 League Champion CowTown Bulls were at Farrington Field this week taking on Sam Stout’s Nobody in a father son rivalry game.  Sam was talking to Nobody all week about how important this game was and told the media that he knew that Nobody could beat the Bulls.  With all the pressure to perform Nobody came out flat and it didn’t take the Bulls long to capitalize.  They got 25 from Dallas quarterback Tony Romo despite his three picks to take the lead.  Nobody tried to rally with 20 from San Diego quarterback Phillip Rivers in the late game but the Bulls answered with 22 from New England slot machine Wes Welker and put the icing on the cake with 27 from the New York Jet Defense in the Sunday Night game and it’s the Bulls over Nobody 158 – 83.
 

Drunks Take Bus

Mike Roubadeaux’s Ken Kesey’s Bus hosted Bunky Stout and Drunks at Texas Stadium this week.  The Drunks felt right at home as the legendary tailgate party raged outside Texas Stadium and were hooting when they took the early lead behind 34 points from Philadelphia quarterback Michael Vick.  Bus fans were hoping for more than the 17 New Orleans quarterback Drew Brees posted in the early game and were looking for Denver receiver Brandon Lloyd to start a rally in the late game.  Lloyd had the crowd on their feet a couple of times but couldn’t get into the end zone and ended the day with 14.  That wouldn’t be enough.  The Drunks would slam the door with 21 from Atlanta running back Michael Turner and the Drunks take the Bus 122 – 86.


Lions Lick Pugs

Frank Katasse’s Smashing Lions and Stacy Stout’s Pugs met on the Juneau Ice Field in a huge rivalry game this week.  Frank was busy on the waiver wire this week getting the Lions ready and both teams were doing some trash talking but it was the Pugs that jumped out of the gate. Dallas wide out Dez Bryant  scored two first half TDs in the early game but Dez and the Pugs ran out of steam after halftime. That’s when the Lions started rolling. They got 25 from Tennessee quarterback Matt Hasselbeck and Carolina wide out Steve Smith and Kansas City’s Dwain Bowe combined for 35 as the Lions took the lead.  The Pugs were looking to the Ski brothers in the late game but Gronkowski and Gostkowski couldn’t get it going only posting 8.  The Lions put the nail in the coffin in the Sunday night game as the Baltimore defense lit it up for 41 points just missing the League record of 43 set by Ryan Stout’s Rednecks with the Philadelphia defense back in ’09 and the Lions lick the Pugs 153 – 93.

 

Hitting on All Cylinders Award

 The Hitting on All Cylinders Award goes to CowTown Bulls owner David Stout for having every starter scoring in double figures.  The Bulls ran off a hundred and a half this week led by 27 from the New York Jet defense but even the lowest scoring player, Philadelphia running back LeSean McCoy pitched in 11.  “This is a team game and that was a team win” David said addressing the press after the game.


Woulda Coulda Shoulda Award

 This week’s WCS goes to Fort Worth Panthers owner Bill Cooper.  When the Panther Poobah saw that San Francisco running back Frank Gore, who came into the game questionable, wasn’t going to start he decided to move Cincinnati running back Cedric Benson into his lineup.  Benson had a good outing going over 100 yards rushing but he didn’t find the end zone.  Turned out the news on Gore was just a head fake and Gore had his best day of the year rushing for 129 yards and a TD.  If Gore was in the Panthers lineup they woulda, coulda, shoulda been a 116 – 110 winner.

Good Luck to all next week!

Max Stout
Commissioner


Category: Fantasy Football
Posted on: September 28, 2011 12:51 pm
 

Lies, Rumors and Results - week 3, 2011

Hellions Name New Head Coach  - Richard Cooper’s Hollar Hellions have a proud tradition in the MaxStout Family Football League.  After winning the 2008 title they made the playoffs on ’09 but things have been going downhill since and Hellion fans have had Richard on the hot seat coming into this year.  When the Hellions opened the year with back to back losses things started to turn ugly. There was murmers in the Hollar that the Hellions were already playing for the top draft pick in 2012 so Richard decided to take decisive action and this week announced a new Hellions head Coach.  After an extensive search Richard decided to go with Maynard G Krebs, the bearded bohemian beatnik from the 60’s sitcom “The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis”.  Krebs hasen’t held down a job, well … ever but he is rumored to be a fantasy football savant.  Things didn’t get off to a great start though.  When Richard announced the new Hellion head coach Krebs walked to the podium and said “This isn’t going to be like work is it?” and scampered off the stage.  Not all Hellion fans were convinced that Krebs was the right man for the job so it’s far from certain if this move get’s Richard on solid ground.  How the Hellions respond in the next few weeks are going to be critical for the Hellions.

Lumberjacks Overtake Bus Steve Bruner’s East Texas Okie Lumberjacks headed to Texas Stadium to face Mike Roubadeaux’s Ken Kesey’s Bus this week.  Bus fans are famous for the wild tailgate parties in the Texas Stadium parking lot and this week wouldn’t be an exception. The party started early and was in full swing as Lumberjack fans filtered in pointing and whispering as the party raged on.  Inside Texas Stadium the action was just as hot.  The Lumberjacks were led by 15 from Buffalo receiver Steve Johnson in the early game but the Bus zoomed into the lead as New Orleans quarterback Drew Brees poured it on the second half.  Brees put up 33 points and had Texas Stadium rocking.  The Okie Lumberjacks started their comeback in the late game.  They got 12 from Oakland kicker Sebastian Janakowski whose field goal late in the fourth quarter tied it up and 14 from Atlanta quarterback Matt Ryan to take the lead.  The Bus was down by 10 but not out.  The Okies were played out but the bus still had Pittsburgh running back Rashad Mendenhall in the Sunday night game.  The pundits had predicted that Mendenhall would shred the Indianapolis defense but it didn’t happen.  Mendenhall only posted 5 points and the Okies overtake the Bus 94 – 89.  

Bulls Paste Panthers Bill Cooper’s Fort Worth Panthers made the short trip to Amon G Carter Stadium this week to face David Stout’s 2010 League Champion CowTown Bulls.  The Bulls have been a steamroller this year and Cow Town has gone crazy for the Bulls.  The fans have nicknamed the Bulls’ new home field the Bull Ring and it’s become the hottest ticket in town.  Celebrities were a dime a dozen at the game and even League commissioner Max Stout made a rare appearance.  The stadium was in a frenzy by kickoff and both teams came out swinging.  The Panther’s hadn’t performed up to Bill’s high standards in the first two games and he made several roster moves this week.   Carolina quarterback Cam Newton and Tennessee wide out Nate Washington, both recent additions, paid immediate dividends.  Washington posted 15 in the early game and Newton added 17 but the Bulls wouldn’t be denied.  They were ripping it up in the ground game with Buffalo running back Fred Jackson putting up 22 and Philadelphia’s LeSean McCoy adding 20.  They also got ‘er done through the air.  New England slot machine Wes Welker went off with 217 yards receiving and two TDs that lit up the scoreboard with 36 points.  The Bulls surged into the lead in the second half of the early game with Detroit wide out “MegaBull” Johnson scoring two TDs and ending the day with 23 points.   The Panthers didn’t have an answer and the Bulls paste the Panthers 118 – 99. 

Nobody Dunks Drunks Bunky Stout and Drunks hosted Sam Stout’s Nobody this week in the parking lot at the Union Gospel Mission.  It was a beautiful day and after the huge success of the dog races in the Drunks home opener word had quickly spread and a massive crowd showed up.  Bunky was ready.  He had upped the charge to park to $50 and was raking in the dough.  “Hey, I’m not letting Jerry have all the fun.  Compared to the $70 they get at Jerry’s World, parking at Drunks games is a bargain.” Bunky was too busy counting his money to worry about the game but Nobody noticed.  Minnesota running back Adrian Peterson posted 16 in the early game and Nobody jumped on top.  The Drunks came out sluggish and were led by Houston kicker Neil Rackers with 15 points.  You know what we always say.  It’s never a good sign when your leading scorer is a kicker and this truism would again be prophetic.  The Drunks would get 16 from the Steeler defense on Sunday night and take a slim lead but leave the door open for Nobody to come from behind on Monday night when Nobody would trot out Washington running back Tim Hightower and the Dallas D.  Both posted 14 and that was more than enough as Nobody dunks the Drunks 93 – 65.

Gangstas Peg Pugs Angelo Katasse’s Got Gansta Wit It headed across the bridge to face Stacy Katasse’s Pugs at Glacier Gardens in a cross town rivalry game.  Angelo was in a pickle because he ended up with two dates for the game. While he was busy darting back and forth between the blonde and the brunette the Pugs were busy putting points on the scoreboard.  The Pugs got 23 from New England tight end Ron Gronkowski and 31 from Houston quarterback Matt Schaub to take the early lead.  By the time that the late game started Angelo had convinced the blonde to meet him downtown after the game and the Gangsta’s got busy.  They got 27 from Green Bay tight end Jermichael Finley and 30 from Oakland running back Darren McFadden to close the gap.  Going into the Monday night game the Pugs were up four and played out.  The Gangstas were down to Washington kicker Graham Gano.  Gano put two field goals through the uprights in the first quarter and the Gangstas peg the Pugs 102 – 93.

Lions Sneak by Goons Frank Katasse’s Smashing Lions were on the road this week to take on Alan Stout and the Goons at MCU Park in Coney Island.  Alan was running a promotion that offered a ride on the world famous Cyclone roller coaster with every ticket to the game.  Little did Alan realize that the fans would get a two fer.  The game would take as many twists and turns as the coaster and both would end with the thrilling rush.  Frank came into the Big Apple ready to play.  With Peyton Manning on the sidelines Frank had picked up Tennessee quarterback Matt Hasselbeck off waivers to fill in and it was a move that made Frank look good.  Hasselbeck started and led Lions to an early lead, ending the day with 22 points.  But the Goons would do some scoring of their own.  New Orleans tight end Jimmy Graham posted 16 and Detroit quarterback Mathew Stafford started slow but rallied the Goons in the second half.  He put 27 points on the board and gave the Goons a slim lead after the early game. The Goons would add double digit games from the Atlanta defense and Arizona wide out Larry Fitzgerald in the late game but the Lions would take the lead with 24 from the Baltimore defense and 27 from San Diego running back Ryan Mathews.  The game would be decided in Sunday’s late game.  The Lions were played out and the Goons were down big with only Pittsburgh wide out Mike Wallace left to play.  Some of the Goon crowd had already wandered off to ride the Cyclone when they heard the roar from the crowd.  Wallace hauled in an 81 yard TD pass in the first quarter that brought the Goons to within 4.  Wallace would only catch one more pass until the last drive of the game. Wallace hauled in a short pass as the clock wound down but couldn’t break free leaving the Goons 2 points down.  Wallace wouldn’t get another target and the Lions sneak by the Goons 105 – 103.

Dads Dust Hellions Mike Stout’s Whose Yo Daddy was in the Hollar this week to face Richard Cooper’s Hollar Hellions.  Mike wanted to put pressure on the Hellions new head coach, Maynard G. Krebs so he sent out seven players in the early game looking to take the lead.  The Dads came through with New England quarterback Tom Brady doing the heavy lifting. Brady threw four pics but also had four TDs ending the day with 32 points.  The Hellions were down big but the home crowd was looking for a rally.  The Hollar got loud when Green Bay quarterback Aaron Rogers posted 28 and New York Jet running back Ladanian Tomlinson pitched in 21 but that wouldn’t be enough. The rally fell short and the Dads dust the Hellions 100 – 76. 

Woulda Shoulda Coulda Award  Stacy Katasse earns the first Woulda Coulda Shoulda of the season.  The Pugs picked up Miami running back Daniel Thomas this week so they wouldn’t have to start Buffalo’s CJ Spiller.  The Pugs had Thomas in the starting lineup but Stacy pulled him at the last minute.  That didn’t work out very well.  Thomas had 122 yards and a TD while Spiller netted minus four yards.  If Thomas had been in the Pugs lineup they woulda, shoulda, coulda been 112 – 102 winners.



Posted on: September 24, 2011 7:51 pm
 

I've got a better tight end than Jamie Eisenberg

This is a weekly challenge based on Mr Eisenberg's picks for tight ends in his start em and sit 'em column.  The format is you pick the same number of guys that Jamie picks and the weekly winner is the guy with the most points.  Picks can't be studs who are every week must starts.  We'll keep a season long total as well and crown the guy with the best tight end when the dust settles.  I'm using tight ends because it seems to me to be the position that matchups make a significant difference but good and bad matchups are often ignored or misinterperted.  We're giving Jamie a big advantage by letting him pick first every week so this will be an uphill battle but hey, it gives you a built in excuse.  So, here's the picks:

Jamie smoked me last week with Hernandez and Gonzales both in double digits but I feel a comback in the works.  This is supposed to be guys who aren't studs but frankly, I don't see how you consider Hernandez and Gonzales every week starts but turnabout is fair play so I'm going with Gronkowsky and Gonzales this week.

Last week

Jamies picks:

Aaron Hernandez vs SD    14
Tony Gonzalez vs Phi     13.5
Brandon Pettigrew vs KC   2.5

total                    30

MaxStout

Jared Cook vs Blt        1.5
Jermain Gresham vs Den   5.5
Greg Olsen vs GB         5.0

total                   11.5


Jamie

Fred Davis vs DAL
Dustin Keller vs OAK
Evan Moore vs MIA

MaxStout

Rob Gronkowski vs Buf
Tony Gonzales vs TB
Anthony Fasano vs CLE

Davis has been hot as has Keller.  Both could break out but I don't view either matchup as favorable.  In his write up Jamie pretty much says that Davis is a must start so I'm countering with Gronkowski.  I like Keller as dose Jamie and I'm going with Gonzales, who I think will have another big week.  Jamie like Evan Moore and states that Miami has the worst defense against tight ends in the NFL. I beg to differ.  Allowing Hernandez, Gronkowski and Owen Daniels to post points doesn't make your D the worst in the League.  In my view Miami is an average D against tight ends. I think that Jamie has the right game but the wrong tight end.  I'm going with Anthony Fasano against Cleveland. The Browns allowed Gresham and Dallas Clark to post some nice points and I think that the Dolphins will look his way this week.  

until next week,

MaxStout


Posted on: September 23, 2011 1:42 pm
 

Lies, Rumors and Results - week 2, 2011

Former Quakes Owner Sues League

Former Quakes owner Robin Stout has filed a lawsuit against the MaxStout Family Football League claiming that the Quakes retained the right to re enter the League at a future date.  There were several vocal meetings in the League office before Robin stormed out pointing a finger and saying “You haven’t heard the end of this.”  League Commissioner Max Stout downplayed it to the press.  “I’m sure we’ll work out our differences.  Robin wants a team but our agreement gives her first right of refusal when a slot is available.”  Of course Robin didn’t’ agree. “That man is full of it.” She told the press.  “I’ll have my day in court.”  That was just before the process server showed up at the League office. No trial date has been set but you can be sure that you’ll get all the details as they come out.

Bulls Lick Lumberjacks The historic Tomato Bowl was sold out for the home opener for Steve Bruner’s East Texas Okie Lumberjacks as Lumberjack fans flocked in to see David Stout’s 2010 League Champion CowTown Bulls.  Ticket sales hadn’t gone all that well in the off season but after the city council passed an ordinance making selling vending non-agricultural goods along highway 69 a class C misdemeanor Steve had an idea.  When he announced that there would be a flea market in the parking lot before every home game ticket sales went through the roof.  Earlier in the week Steve told the press “Moving the vendors into the parking lot at the Tomato Bowl get rid of an unpleasant and unsightly mess along the highway that created a traffic hazard.  I’m just glad that I can do my part to clean up the town” and one might add lining his pockets at the same time. Steve decided to go for the throat in the early game on Sunday sending 8 players out.  He was planning on feeding the ball to Kansas City running back Jamal Charles early and often.  It looked like the plan was going to work.  Charles had 27 yards on his first two carries but then, as Charles was running out of bounds the Bulls mascot tripped him and Charles fell awkwardly and tore up his knee.  The Lumberjack crowd was outraged and the Bulls’ mascot was last seen hightailing it for team bus.  David knew if the Bulls could hang in there in the early game he could head back to CowTown with a W. That’s what they did. The Bulls got nice games from Detroit wide out “MegaBull” Johnson and Cincinnati receiver AJ Green but were led by 23 from the Jets defense.   The Lumberjacks got double digits from Chicago running back Matt Forte and Buffalo receiver Steve Johnson and had the lead after the early game but it wasn’t going to be enough.  Even with 29 points from San Diego wide out Vincent Jackson in the late game couldn’t prevent the Bulls from taking the lead.  Dallas quarterback Tony Romo posted 25 to lead the Bulls who lick the Lumberjacks 129 – 91.

Drunks Pound Panthers Bunky Stout and Drunks were on the tarmac at DFW this week taking on Bill Cooper’s Fort Worth Panthers in the Panther’s home opener.  Both teams came into the game looking for their first win and it was a tight game in the early going.  The Drunks got  19 from Tampa Bay running back LeGarrette Blount and 20 from the Pittsburgh defense but the Panthers hung led by 15 from Tampa Bay quarterback Josh Freeman.  It would stay close in the late game but the Drunks would break it wide open in the Sunday night game.  Philadelphia quarterback Michael Vick posted 18 and Atlanta running back Michael Turner was good for 21 and the Drunks pound the Panthers 112 - 73.

Dads Smash Lions Frank’s Smashing Lions were under the power lines behind the Redondo Beach Power Plant this week taking on Mike Stout’s Whose Yo Daddy in the Dad’s home opener.  Both teams were coming off wins last week were hyped up as the marine layer broke up and Sunday turned into a beautiful Southern California day.  The Lions were led by 11 from Kansas City wide out Dwain Bowe in the early game  and kept it close in the first half but the Dads took the lead with a spurt in the second half as Detroit running back Jahvid Best scored twice and the Detroit defense came to life.  Best ended up with 24 for the day and the Detroit D added 25. The Dads extended the lead in the late game when New England quarterback Tom Brady went off with 423 passing yards and three TDs.  The Lions would get ?? from St. Louis quarterback Sam Bradford but it was too little too late as the Dads smash the Lions 125 - 73.

Pugs Hammer Hellions Stacy Stout’s Pugs headed for the Hollar this week to face Richard Cooper’s Hollar Hellions.  With new baby in tow Stacy still had the Pugs ready by kickoff.  Things didn’t go as smoothly as she had planned though.  League rules don’t allow infants on the sidelines and Little Autumn Rose was none too happy when she was offered a bottle back in the locker room while Stacy was on the sideline coaching.  Stacy went back to the locker room at halftime and everybody was much happier after that.  “The League is just going to have to make some provision for nursing mothers” Stacy told the press.  “I’m calling the commissioner as soon as we get back home.”  Out on the field it was a tight game early.  The Hellions got 26 from Green Bay quarterback Aaron Rogers and the Pugs answered with 16 from Baltimore running back Ray Rice and 14 from Green Bay receiver Jordy Nelson.  The Pugs would break it open in the late game.  They got 21 from Houston quarterback Matt Schaub and another big day from the Ski Brothers.  New England tight end Rob Gronkowski and kicker Steven Gostkowski combined for 29 points and the Pugs hammer Hellions 113 - 82.

Goons Deck Gangstas Alan Stout and the Goons headed west to face Angelo Katasse’s Got Gangsta Wit It at Sandy Beach Stadium for the Gangsta’s home opener.  Gangsta fans were out in force and had plenty to cheer about in Sunday’s early game.  They got 19 from Pittsburg quarterback Ben Roethlisberger and 24 from Oakland running back Darren McFadden but that wouldn’t be good enough for the lead.  All three Goon wide outs turned in 19 point performances and Detroit quarterback Mathew Stafford posted 34 to take the lead after the early game but this one was far from over.  The game was on the line on Sunday night when both teams sent out their last players.  The Goons had the Atlanta defense and the Gangsta’s sent out the Philadelphia D and Atlanta receiver Roddy White.  Sandy Beach went crazy when the Gangsta’s took the lead in the middle of the fourth quarter but a hugh groan went out moments later when the Philly D gave up a TD and handed the lead back to the Goons.  That was how it would end as the Goons deck the Gangsta’s 122 – 112.

Bus Nips Nobody Sam Stout’s Nobody headed across the metroplex to face Mike Roubadeaux’s Ken Kesey’s Bus in Texas Stadium this week. Bus fans were especially rowdy with Nobody in town and New Orleans quarterback Drew Brees had them on their feet in the early game when he lit up the scoreboard with a 29 points game. That wouldn’t be enough for the lead though as Nobody had five players in double digits led by Minnesota running back Adrian Peterson’s 26.  Nobody would add 22 from San Diego quarterback Phillip Rivers in the late game and were thinking it was in the bag but the Bus kicked it into high gear with a monster game from Dallas receiver Miles Austin.  Austin had 143 receiving yards and scored three TDs that put 32 points on the board.  The Bus still had an uphill climb.  Nobody was played out but the Bus trailed by 18 and were down to their last player.  They needed a big game from Atlanta tight end Tony Gonzales. Mike pulled him aside before sending him in.  Nobody heard what Mike said and Gonzales was quiet throughout the first half.  Then, just before halftime Gonzales scored on a highlight reel catch and when he added a second TD in the third quarter Texas Stadium was rocking.  Gonzales would make the game winning grab in the middle of the fourth quarter raising the roof at Texas Stadium as the Bus nips Nobody 122 – 119.

Good luck to all next week!

Max Stout
Commissioner

 
 
 
 
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